 By Sharon Wada
In the midst of a social landscape shaped by a covid-19 pandemic, political unrest and continued racial inequity, I find soul rest when someone offers me the gift of “holding space.” What do I mean by “holding space?” Author Heather Plett defines it as “the practice of compassionately witnessing, accepting and supporting someone without judgement, while retaining your boundaries and sense of self.” (The Art of Holding Space, 2020). I find it divinely timely that her book was published in early 2020. For all that we would face and still face, a safe place where someone holds space for another is a soothing balm. It’s a space to be listened to, where one is free to tell one’s story. It is a space where one’s experience, along with its interpretation, gets to occupy center stage. No one tries to talk you out of your views and perceptions. What you say may not resonate with your listener, nor even be intellectually understood, but that doesn’t matter. The listener becomes a conduit of God’s grace, where one feels seen, heard and loved. Prior to 2020, in my collegial circles of spiritual directors, I had heard and used the term, “holding space.” It seemed to be a given that holding space is what spiritual directors are supposed to do. My spiritual director modelled it. It is my intention to do the same with those who come to me for spiritual direction. As the 2020’s decade continues to unfold, it feels all the more impactful and grace-filled to engage the art of holding space. We can do so as spiritual directors. We can do so when we find ourselves in the role of compassionate listener, wherever we may be. When we find ourselves listening to someone whose ethnic heritage and racial history differs from our own, holding space may take a little more effort. It starts to feel like the art would be greatly helped by adding learned skill. We can educate ourselves. We can grow our capacity for self-awareness and emotional regulation. We can choose to set aside our own perspectives so that we can offer a compassionate, listening presence. Spiritual director instructor and author, Cindy S. Lee teaches that we can learn to “de-center” ourselves and become mindful that we have been brought up to assume there is some set of “norms” out in the world, which makes everything else deviant. When we truly hold space for another, we de-center ourselves. We welcome the stories we hear with grace. We offer true soul hospitality. Such a gift. Are there people that come to your mind who have offered you this gift? Anyone you’d like to offer the gift of holding space to? What might be an invitation to add a little skill development the art of holding space? |